Ziva Returns
by someday-makes-me-sad
Summary: Just something I came up with about how I would like it to be if Ziva came back. Doesn't really have much to do with the plot of s11 or s12, and is probably a bit too happy. If she were to come back it would probably be under different circumstances. But a girl can dream, right? Please exuse any mistakes, even though I try to avoid them.
1. Chapter 1

Ziva slowly leaned closer. He felt his heart beat faster and leant closer, trying to minimize the distance between them...

How he got there? Damn good question!

It all started out as a pretty normal morning. Tony was nearly late, and when he arrived at the bullpen, McGee was already picking on his muffin. He bit back a comment, and nodded to Bishop, knowing she wouldn't hear him anyway. Sometimes he wished he had a retreat like that, but he knew that if he started listening to music in the office, boss would slap him crazy, and he knew it would probably just distract him. He remembered the one time Abby had used her tax refunds to buy everyone on the team an IPod. He smiled thinking about how he had come into the office singing along to a song out loud and how Gibbs had looked at him.

He couldn't even remember which song it had been, only Ziva's face, as she tried to tell him to cut it off. Damn, now he was thinking of her again. But he was over her right? Hadn't he said so to Mcgoo yesterday? It hadn't been his day, and he might have gotten a little emotional talking to a suspect. He was lucky it had been McGee, not Gibbs watching behind the glass.

Anyway, McGee had pulled him aside while they were watching Gibbs break the main suspect a few hours later, and had gone all dr. Phil on him. Telling him how he hadn't been himself lately and a lot of crap, and how they were his family, and how they were worried about him and how he could talk to them if he wanted to. It didn't sound like something his favourite little probie would say, and at some point McGee admitted Abby had kind of put him up to it, but that that didn't mean he didn't kind of agree with her. Then he said something that hit home with Tony though: "I get that you miss her. We all miss her. But you need to get on with your life. Its what she would have wanted too, you know." With those few well-chosen words McGee had done it. All the walls Tony had built since Ziva left shattered, piercing his heart and mind, leaving him utterly defenceless. He knew it showed on his face. All the emotions he'd been trying so hard to burry inside of himself surfaced leaving him feeling weak and empty. McGee could see it on his face, and was shocked by Tony's reaction. He had meant for his words to get Tony thinking, but he hadn't expected them to shake him so badly. He could see Tony trying to get his emotions under control, trying to find composure again and also saw a resolution in his eyes. He knew he was lying when he said he was over her, but it was a start. And he knew that if Tony worked hard on trying to convince him it might actually become the truth. That night when he had come home Tony had put all his pictures of Ziva onto the windowsill, where he also kept the pictures of his dad. The windowsill was where he put people he couldn't face every time he looked across the room, but couldn't put away either. The windowsill was his personal draw. It was his first step of letting go, it was his acceptance. That night he'd had a horrible nightmare that had woken him up in the middle of the night, sweating and completely out of it. It had taken him nearly half an hour to calm down again and tell himself that it was just a dream, because Ziva didn't scream for help like that, she could take care of herself, right?

"Grab your gear. Locals found a dead petty officer in the Potomac." Gibbs walked into the Squad room.

"Drowned, boss?" McGee asked. "Shot" Gibbs answered, and Tony and McGee grabbed their stuff and pulled Bishop with them who had only just realized what was going on.

When they arrived at the scene, Palmer and Ducky were already there, examining the body. The victims name was Thomas Lance, Petty Officer stationed in Quantico.

"Got a time of death for me Duck?"

"Difficult Jethro, the cold water has made liver temperature impossible and water is excellent at preserving a body. I might be able to give you a clue once I've finished my examinations."

"Cause of death?"

"Well, I can't say anything for sure before the autopsy but I'm pretty sure the bullet in his brain has something to do with it."

McGee was taking pictures, Bishop and Gibbs went to talk to the locals, so Tony ended up helping Ducky and Palmer bag all the evidence and get the body into the van.

"So what do we know about our victim?"

Flashing a picture up on the screen, Bishop said: "Petty Officer first class, stationed in Quantico, recently divorced, one child Sara, ten years old."

"Yeah, and from what I can tell it was an ugly divorce, the wife took pretty much everything he had including custody of Sarah, claiming he was often drunk and not fit to be a father."

Tony added. "My moneys on the wife Boss."

"Course it is, Tony" McGee sighed. "Always is. But maybe you should consider that he would have much more reasons to go after her. She took everything from him, not the other way round. Also, he was shot with his own gun, and how many soccer moms d'you know that can take a marines gun, ex-wife or not?"

"I think I can answer that, Tim." Ducky came into the squad room. "Jethro, I need to show you something."

"On my way, Duck." Gibbs said. "Bishop, I want you to call the ex-wife and the petty officers CO and ask them to come in so we can as them a few questions. Check for other associates who might know or have had something to do with the petty officers death. McGee go and check if Abby needs help. Tony you're with me."

Bishop was left alone in the squad room, and was about to dial the ex-wife's number, when someone stepped into the squad room alone. Bishop didn't know the woman and it was strange that she wasn't accompanied by anyone, because non-NCIS agents always needed to have an agent with them while moving around the building, and this woman didn't wear a badge. The woman looked around the squad room, and when she looked at Bishop, Bishop immediately felt like she knew her, although she couldn't quite place her. She was beautiful, and when she held out her hand and said hello her smile was genuine, but something about her was off. It was like something that was missing in her, a haunted look in the woman's eyes, and then it hit Bishop.

"You're Ziva!" She said. "You used to sit at this desk, you used to be an NCIS agent, right?"

The women-Ziva-walked around the desk, and, now standing close to Gibbs desk looked at her old desk and nodded. She was about to say something when Tony walked into the squad room….

A few minutes earlier in Autopsy

"So what's app duck?" Tony said, mimicking Gibbs deep voice. He and Palmer high-fived, but quickly turned away, adapting an expression appropriate at the deathbed of your best friend when Gibbs stared them down.

Turning away, Gibbs nodded to Ducky, who walked around the Corpse and said: "Well I still can't tell you when he died, but I can tell you how he died. Jimmy here found a deep cut in his abdomen, barely visible, but consistent with the amount of blood loss. It's really unlucky that it was deadly, a few inches to the left and it wouldn't have been."

"So you're saying it probably wasn't an intentional kill, more someone trying to defend themselves?" Tony asked. "But that doesn't make sense. Who accidentally kills someone and then shoots them?"

"Someone angry." Gibbs said "Someone who knew the victim, and intimately. Someone who might not have wanted to kill him but… Someone who knows how the police operate! Dinozzo, find out if the wife has a record."

"Sure thing Boss. You're thinking she knew we'd blame the wife, right?"

"Yes Dinozzo, now get going."

So that's how Tony ended up going back to the squad room. He was about to ask Bishop if she knew if the wife had a record, when he saw the woman standing next to Bishop. She had her back to him, but he would have recognized her anywhere. He stopped dead in his tracks, and Ziva whirled around. She was just as beautiful as Tony remembered, but she looked older, and somewhat haunted. Upon seeing Tony though, her eyes lit up even though he could see the fear in them. Neither of them said anything for nearly a minute, they just looked into each others eyes, and Tony was reminded of the time after her imprisonment in Somalia, when she had stood there, helping him and McGee solve a case, and how they'd done the same thing, just stared and how McGee had fidgeted next to them, just like Bishop did now. Then Ziva looked away, and said "Hello Tony." She nearly whispered it, like she was scared of his reaction.

"Hey Ziva" he answered, almost as carefully. An awkward silence filled the room, and after a moment Bishop cleared her throat, said "I'm gonna go tell the others" and shuffled away quickly. Tony was left alone with Ziva, who just kept staring at her hands, and this freaked Tony out even more then the fear in Ziva's eyes, or the haunted look or her not wearing her necklace. And all that was bad enough. Because Ziva didn't get scared, and she always wore her necklace, and she was never the first to look away, she always won their little game, but most of all, there were hardly any awkward moments left between them, they always had something to talk about. And even if not, it was never AWKWARD.

At some point Tony couldn't take it anymore, and so he said the first thing that came to mind:

"So, how was your year?" It worked, Ziva smiled, and finally looked up.

"I've had better ones. How was yours?"

"It sucked." Tony stepped closer " I-the team-, we missed you." And there it was again. Ziva wasn't even back more then five minutes, and Tony was already pretending he didn't care that much. Already playing along again.

"I missed you too."

"So, what are you doing here?" Tony asked, trying to sound casual.

"Couldn't live without you, I guess." Ziva answered, a small smile playing on her face.

Hearing that, Tony couldn't help himself, and pulled her into an embrace.

At first, she froze, like she'd done during her early days at NCIS, but then she melted into his arms, and for a moment all Tony could think about was how good she smelled, and how this moment should never ever pass.

"I'm so sorry, Tony", Ziva whispered, and for the moment, he knew that was enough. She could explain everything later, right now all that mattered was that Ziva was here, in his arms, in which she fit so perfectly.

"ZIVA, YOU'RE BACK!" Abby came running into the squad room, closely followed by Gibbs, McGee, Ducky and Palmer, with Bishop tagging behind, obviously unsure of what to do. Tony and Ziva broke apart, and Ziva turned around just in time to receive Abby's bone breaking hug. Abby didn't seem to think anything weird about Tony and Ziva's hug, but he could see Gibbs narrow his eyes, and McGee raised his eyebrows questioningly at Tony while giving Ziva a small hug.

After everyone had said hello more or less warmly-Ducky was very cold, obviously angry, just like he'd been after Gibbs retirement a few years back- they were all ready to settle down and catch up when Gibbs said:" So this case is going to solve itself, is it?"

They quickly got up again and Bishop went up to Gibbs to tell him about what she found going through the bank records-which was nothing unusual- and that the wife was of the grid, not answering her phone and not having shown up to work today. So McGee and Gibbs went to look at the wife's house and Bishop went to the conference room to talk to Lance's CO.

"So, where are you staying?" Tony asked her when they finally had a moment alone. She shrugged.

"I'm going to check into a hotel later, I guess. Unless," she snorted "Gibbs lets me crash on his sofa for a few days." Tony, pretending to think that over for a few seconds said, with what he hoped was a casual voice: "You could always crash at my place if you want to. WE could watch a movie, get some takeout, you know. Only if that's ok with you of course." He hastened himself to add.

She smiled, and looked relieved to be asked. "That would be very ok with me." They smiled at each other for a while, than Tony forced himself to look away.

"So, which movie d'you wanna watch?" He asked. "You pick." Ziva said.

"No." Tony answered, "I want you to pick."  
>"Yeah, right." She snorted. "And get grief from you for picking the wrong movie? Forget it."<p>

"What?" Tony asked, pretending to be hurt. "I do not give people grief if they pick the wrong movie!"

"Dream on my dear, dream on."

He narrowed his eyes at her and she laughed. "Oh, right, you don't give people grief over it, you just don't let them pick a movie."

"So feel honoured."

She snorted once more, but didn't reply. So they just stayed in a comfortable silence for a few moments, until Abby came to pull Ziva away for a tour of the building, even though nothing had really changed. Tony smiled. No, that was wrong. Things had changed. Ziva had left, and ZIva had come back. Things were changing right now. He hoped they kept changing for the better.


	2. Chapter 2

**Yeah, so I know this isn't very long, but this is kind of a fill in chapter, next chapter has a bit more action and maybe even a bit of Tony and Ziva dealing with some stuff. I hope you like it, tell me what you think about it and I'm always open to suggestions **

Leroy Jethro Gibbs was… happy? Ok maybe that was going a little to far. More content, because Leroy Jethro Gibbs didn't get HAPPY. But he wasn't just content, either. He was something in between. He was cappy, Abby would probably say. He smiled. Ok he was definitely more, say chipper, than usual. But that was all right, because Ziva was back.

He'd always known shed come back someday, or hoped that she would, mostly for Tony's sake than anyone else's, even though he had missed her everyday. He'd seen how her absence had changed Tony, just like he'd been watching them dance around rule 12 for years, maybe crossing the line occasionally, only to race back, obviously afraid of destroying what they had in the process. What they had had always been a difficult question to answer. Sometimes they shared looks that made Gibbs sure they were sleeping with each other, then they were just friends, the next minute they acted like they wished the other a painful death. Abby, and so many others called it chemistry, Gibbs however didn't like to think about it like that. He'd seen the way Dinozzo had looked at Ziva, and it had reminded him of how he used to look at Shannon. "You were my Shannon." Diane's words echoed in his ears, and Gibbs snorted. Yes, in a way Ziva was probably Tony's Shannon and the other way round. And here they said Leroy Jethro Gibbs was cold and emotionless.

But when he thought about Tony and Ziva, and how far they'd come in their relationship, he often had to think about how they beat him. For years now, he had always been the agent in which everyone at headquarters invested the most money in in pools. They obviously tried to keep it from him, but it was often obvious. They made pools on whether or not he was ever going to get shot, and if where. It was kinda sick, making bets on if a person is going to get injured, but he knew how boring paperwork could be, and didn't want to take the simple pleasures of desk work away from them. Well anyway, there had been a lot of pools about him, and even though he pretended not to know about them he liked to think about it. Sometimes…

He smiled when he thought about how many pools there had been about him and Jen. Just like the ones about Tony and Ziva they went from Friends with benefits to married and how many kids they were gonna have. The only Pool that had ever made him angry was if he was going to cry at her funeral. But not a lot of agents had participated in that, even though he knew that both David and Dinozzo had been taking part in every single pool about him and Jen. Except that one. He missed her terribly sometimes, wondering what would have happened if she hadn't chosen her job over him, or if she hadn't died. But he didn't do that often. Because Leroy Jethro Gibbs didn't linger on 'What ifs'. He once read that 'What if had to be the two most pathetic words in the English language', and he could only agree. That didn't mean he didn't often waste his time on them. Some things are just inevitable. Just like Tony and Ziva being more interesting for pools then him, because admittedly a couple that wasn't really a couple offered much more options. Abby had called them a typical 'will they/wont they' couple she used to love when she was a kid and still had time for mundane things as watching television. Only Abby could use the word mundane, say she used to kinda be mundane and make herself sound extremely clever in one sentence. Ok, he might have thought about participating in one or two of the pools once in a while, but only when it was a fun one. His favourite was still the one where (after) they got to get together firstly who would kill the other and when.

He would have probably put ten bucks on Ziva killing Tony on the second date, just because it would've been fun, when they caught a case, which probably saved him from public humiliation and a slow death at the hands of a very angry ex-mossad officer. He smiled again, and poured himself some bourbon.

They spend the car ride in a comfortable silence. At the beginning they had talked a bit, but right now it was fine, just enjoying each others company, and Tony didn't even feel the need to break the silence. It often amazed him how they could stand in silence for ages and have it not be awkward. Usually someone got uncomfortable at some point when a silence went on for too long. Tony never felt like that. When he and Ziva were silent it was nice. They would catch each others eyes, maybe smile a little and it would be fine. They didn't have to think about something to talk about, they didn't have to do much except enjoy each others company.

When they arrived at his place he was in a good mood, and she even let him carry her bags upstairs, even though she muttered about managing it fine on her own all the way up the stairs.

Out of the spur of the moment, Tony said: "I really missed this."

Ziva smiled, and nodded, looking around. "Yeah." She whispered. "Feels really good to be back."

Tony snorted and turned away with a sarcastic smile on his face. Ziva stepped closer.

"What is it Tony?" She asked, not understanding his sudden mood swing.

He shrugged, and answered, trying to sound indifferent.

"Well its just you're hardly even back and we already can't even talk about this."

"This?"

"Whatever this is. Whatever it is we have."

"But that's just it Tony. We can't really talk about it because were still finding out what it is. It's us. And this is just another change in the constantly evolving us."

"You know, the way you just said that sounded really sexy."

Tony smirked at the look on Ziva's face. Gosh had he missed annoying her, and how had he missed seeing her roll her eyes whilst trying to neither blush nor smile. Right now she was succeeding at neither. For some reason this made Tony incredibly happy. It made him hope that maybe some of her defences were down, that she trusted him still, and enough to show emotion and let go in front of him. That they had a chance of coming out of this not so messed up, that they had a shot at happy.


	3. Chapter 3

"So what happened between those two before Ziva left? I thought Gibbs has a rule against co-workers dating." Bishop asked Mcgee. It was the day after Ziva had returned, and work was going real slow. Their prime suspect was now the wife, who was of the grid, taking her kid with her, and wherever they looked it was just another dead end.

"Happened?" Mcgee asked. "Why, ah why would you think that something had like, happened between them? Tony and Ziva? What?!"

Bishop rolled her eyes.

"Oh come on Tim. I might not have the best people reading skills but I am neither stupid nor blind. I saw the way they were looking at each other, and I noticed how every time someone said something about "old times", anything that reminded him of Ziva, he got in a really bad mood. I never really put the pieces together but now it makes sense."

Mcgee considered this, taking his time, hoping beyond hope that someone would come and rescue him from this extremely awkward situation. He'd never liked talking about Tony's and Ziva's relationship because he never really understood it himself. He'd always just assumed that someday they'd just get their act together, and that Gibbs would make an exception with Rule #12. He hadn't quite known how much she meant to Tony until, well Somalia probably.

Sure, he'd known they were kinda close, but he hadn't thought Tony would dwell on her that much. It had become more and more obvious over the years, so that sometimes he wondered if they were secretly dating, but had always dismissed the thought seeing as Gibbs hadn't said anything about it.

But than Tony had never really told him what happened in Berlin, or in Israel the summer she left. He just knew how much it hurt Tony to come home without her. He hadn't quite been the same since then. Not really noticeably, but Mcgee knew. He was sure Gibbs knew too. They had both been working with Tony for too long to not notice.

"Mcgee?"

Mcgee looked up, startled and realized he'd been staring into thin air for nearly a minute.

He looked around once more and, giving up hope on someone saving him from this, sighed and said: "Well…Its kinda complicated."

Bishop raised her eyebrows: "So?"

"Its complicated is what people say when they don't want to explain something Bishop!"

Tony walked into the squad room and sat down at his desk. He grinned at Mcgee. He'd been in an insufferably good mood all day.

"Abby says she needs your help with something, I think. Or," Tony turned his head to one side, looking thoughtful, "She just wants to gossip."

Mcgee snorted. "Well, she ain't alone." He muttered under his breath.

"What did you say Mcmutter?"

"Nothing, nothing…"

"So?" The moment McGee stepped into the lab, he had Abby's fullest attention.

"Sooo?" He asked back slowly, dreading what was coming. Abby sighed. "Well, what do you think, Tim? What's your opinion?"

"You mean on Ziva being back? That's-" He stopped when he saw Abby roll her eyes.

"What?" He said defensively. Abby sighed again and patted him on the shoulder.  
>"You're cute Tim, but that's old news. Of course it's awesome. We don't even have to talk about that. Noo, what do you think about Ziva staying at Tony's place last night?"<p>

Tim closed his eyes for a second to try and stop the involuntary head canons that immediately flooded his brain at her words.

"I don't know, Abs, maybe I'm not really the right person to talk about this. How about you ask Tony about this? He's usually rather willing to share."

They both cringed, thinking about all the times Tony had told them about his one night stands when they really hadn't asked for the details.

Abby pouted for a second then said, with an annoyed expression on her face: "I already did and he won't talk about it, he says nothing happened."

McGee had to supress a laugh at the look on Abby's face.

"Well", he said, "Maybe that's all that happened." Abby threw him a dark look, and put her hands on her hips. The way she was looking at him reminded him of how Mrs Weasly looked when she was angry. He backed away slightly. Mrs Weasly had always scared him a little.

"He told you something, didn't he? You know something don't you?" She advanced on him slowly, and her voice was slow and menacing. McGee was sure this was the scariest he had ever seen Abby.

"No" He yelped, raising his arms out of reflex. "Seriously, Abs-" He jumped upon hearing the ding of the elevator. "Oh shit," he muttered. "Gibbs!"

He pushed past Abby, and only just made it around the corner in the back room of the lab before someone entered. He looked around the lab once, than said: "You can come out McGossip, it's just me!"

McGee sighed in relief, and came out to see Tony standing there.

"Did you find anything?" He asked. Tony nodded. "Bishop thinks she might know where the wife is. Gibbs sent us to check it out."

McGee nodded. "Did you…" "Tell him you were down here gossiping?" Tony finished the sentence for him. "Of course not." Tony walked out of the lab. "You owe me one, Tim!"

"Huh," McGee huffed. "You owe me at least ten!" He called after Tony.

He turned around to see Abby stare at him reproachfully. "I'm really sorry, Abs, I gotta go."

He said and hurried out of the lab, kind of thankful he was out of there.

"We're not done here Tim!" Abby called after him. Tim winced. This was going to be a long day.

Ziva stepped into the bullpen. Once again Bishop was the only one there, sitting at her desk.

"Where is everyone?" Ziva asked. Bishop looked up.

"Oh, hey Ziva. What are you doing here?"

"My official 'Abby-welcome.'" Ziva sighed.

"Your what?" Bishop frowned.

"You have never had an official Abby-welcome?" Ziva laughed. Bishop shook her head.

"Well it's not really something you can describe I think you have to experience it." Ziva shrugged. "But do not be sorry if you never have to."

"You've had one before?" Bishop asked, interested.

"2009." Ziva said.

"Oh right, the mission in Somalia." Ziva looked at her, frowning.

"You know about that?"

"Are you kidding me?" Bishop got up and gestured with her arms, excited now. "That mission is legendary. I read all the reports when I became a probationary agent. I wanted to know about the team and who I was replacing…" She trailed of, having lost her train of thought. Ziva smiled.

"Anyway," Bishop continued. "I mean, the way you fought your way through to Saleem all on you own is…and then the rescue mission. What the team did there was…" Bishop shook her head, lost for words, somewhat caught up in her fascination and joy.

"…amazing." Ziva finished quietly. Bishop looked up a little guiltily.

"Yeah sorry, I, I didn't mean to…I talk a lot when I get nervous and…" She blushed.

"There is no need to be nervous." Ziva said, smiling.

"But you're amazing. There's so much gossip about you and nearly as many myths as about Gibbs and since your return that's all everyone's been talking about."

"Well," Ziva looked slightly embarrassed. "Office work can be, ahm, tideos?" She frowned.

"Tedious." Bishop corrected her automatically. "And Ziva?" Ziva, already preparing to leave the Bullpen looked up. "Yes, Ellie?"

"I just want you to know that, well…" She shifted uncomfortably. "I'm not trying to replace you or anything. I don't think anyone could ever do that but, just so you know I'm not trying."

Ziva smiled. "I know."

"Sooo…" McGee said. "She's back, huh?" Tony let out a small huff, but didn't elaborate any further. They were walking to the car, and McGee felt he had to at least try to talk to Tony so Abby wouldn't kill him. Also, even though he didn't want to admit it, he was kind of curious. What was going to happen now that Ziva was back? Now that they weren't co-workers and didn't have rule #12 hanging over their heads anymore. Was he going to forgive her?

"Forgive her what?" Tim looked up startled, and realized he'd said that last bit out loud. He blushed, and for a moment felt like a Probie again, not knowing what to say, being intimidated by the very special senior field agent.

"I didn't mean-" he stammered.

"To say that out loud?" Tony asked. "Well, you did Tim, now you might as well share with the class." McGee sighed, and thought for a second, not wanting this to sound wrong or give Tony the wrong impression, because this was a touchy subject for all of them, and he liked being on Tony's good side for once.

"I just…" He hesitated, then decided to just go all in. "She left, and didn't text, call or mail once." They had arrived at the car now, and Tony stopped at the driver's side door, while McGee walked around the car to ride shotgun. Yet, Tony didn't get in and looked at McGee patiently, waiting for him to finish.

"I saw what it did to you when she left. I saw that you still weren't over her when I talked to you about her a couple of days ago. And I see that you're still scared of her leaving again because she's done it so often and its hurt you every time." McGee took a deep breath. "You can't tell me this doesn't bother you just a little."

Tony exhaled slowly and sound fully, then clenched his jaw once. Only than did he look at McGee, who could see the anger and determination in his eyes. He inwardly congratulated himself for once again managing to bring up emotions Tony really wanted to avoid. He wasn't sure it was a good thing.

"Yes it bothers me, Tim. Yes it bothers me that she left, and didn't call or even try to keep in contact for a year. Yes it bothers me that I can't even really be angry at her, and that I know I can't move on from her, that I don't know what to do and what to expect now. Yes, Tim I wanna talk to her but…" "You're scared you'll lose her again." McGee finished his sentence quietly. He was amazed that Tony had shared this much with him. Tony nodded tiredly.

"I don't think you will." McGee said. Tony looked at him. He had been fumbling with the car keys and had obviously not paid attention to what McGee had said.

"What's that McMumble?" McGee rolled his eyes and continued.  
>"I don't think you'll lose her again. Not if it comes down to her. Tony, she cares. The reason she left was because she cares and it scared her and she was scared she was gonna hurt you. The fact that she came back says something don't you think?"<p>

Tony looked at him thoughtfully. "When did you become so wise McShrink." McGee chuckled slightly, than shook his head.

"All I wanted to say was yes, you should be careful because you both don't exactly have the best track record and this isn't something you should screw up, but…don't wait too long, Tony. Life's short." Tony nodded once, and McGee could see a smile start to spread over his face. Tony clapped McGee on the shoulder, said "Thanks!", opened the car door and got in, still smiling. This one reached his eyes for a change.

**Yeah, I'm sorry this chapter didn't have any direct Tiva scenes, but the next one will, I promise. I'm sorry for any mistakes it's really late and I can hardly think, let alone write straight. Anyway, I will try to update again as soon as possible, and let me know what you think about this chapter. I love you guys, good night, I'm out **


	4. Chapter 4

**Soo, here's the next chapter, with a Tony and Ziva talk(Finally). It's a bit shorter than the others I think, so sorry. Don't know when I'll be able to update again I'm literally writing a test every single day this week, so yeah. Reviews and prompts much appreciated. **

**Love, P.**

"So, I talked to McGoo today." Ziva snorted.

"Do you really still call him that?" They were leaning against the counter in the kitchen. She had somehow gotten it into her head that they were going to cook something today, so, on the way home from work they had stopped at a supermarket and had gotten some food. She had shaken her head the day before, exasperated that he still didn't have any proper food in his fridge. She had also muttered something about not getting any younger, a comment he chose to ignore.

Tony had had a lump in his throat at how domestic them buying groceries together felt. He had tried not to let it show how much it affected him, but he wasn't sure he succeeded, if the worried looks she had thrown his way were any indication. She had always been too good at reading his face.

Not that buying groceries together felt wrong. It felt just right, but it shook him to see just how right, and how easy it was.

He poked her in the ribs lightly and said: "You can't say that surprises you. I've been calling him that forever. I think he'd miss it if I stopped calling him that. It's a term of endearment."

She smiled. It was nice to see her smile this much. He couldn't remember seeing her smile so much in just a few days, she seemed so at ease, just generally happy. Even though it was new, he couldn't say he minded this Ziva. He could definitely get used to her.

"So, what d'you talk about?" She asked, starting to unpack the grocery bags on the counter. Tony watched her for a second, then said: "You."

She froze and looked at him. The smile was gone and the uncertainty he had seen in the bullpen the day before was back.

"He said I should talk to you. He said life was too short to not talk about it, to not figure this out. He said if we just talk about it everything would be fine." She didn't react, just kept looking at him. Tony kept talking in this flat emotionless voice he didn't even recognize: "But I'm scared see? Because I'm scared I'll lose you again. I'm scared I won't survive that again." She flinched, and he looked up, having stared at the pack of mincemeat in her hands. "'Cause we've never done that whole talking thing a lot. Not about this anyway."

He knew the anger and hurt in his voice was obvious, but he didn't care. Because he knew he had to say this, or he never would and then he would never figure this out.

"We go undercover as a married couple and feel something while pretending and never talk about it. We obviously miss each other after Vance split up the team and never talk about it.

I travel around the world, risk mine and the teams lives just to get vengeance for your death and we never really talk about it. I am jealous of Ray, and I am jealous of EJ, and we never talk about it. We dance, we sleep in one bed and we hold hands but we never freaking talk about it. And I'm sick of Ziva. Sick of it. I looked for you for 4 months, and you told me I am loved but then you didn't come home with me. Look, I get that you needed time, but you didn't even call once. You didn't answer any of my mails. You don't do that to your family. To your best friend. To your partner." His voice broke. Ziva was staring at him, obviously unsure of what to do, what to say. Then she stepped closer.

"Look Tony, I am sorry." He snorted. He was angry now, all the emotions that had build up over the past year and especially the last two days coming up now. He knew he was being an ass, but he couldn't help it right now. He had hurt too much.

Ziva closed her eyes for a second and when she opened them again they were shining. This caught Tony's attention. It also hurt him, confused him because the Ziva he knew never cried.

"Look Tony, I tried, ok? I tried to deal with everything, I tried to let you in, but every time I did it just scared the hell out of me. You, I," She stuttered. "Look, I'm not an easy person to deal with and I don't exactly have the best track records when it comes to relationships or friendships even, and I was scared. Scared of hurting you, AGAIN, scared of being hurt. I thought that if I left, you would just move on, find someone else, be happy, get what you deserve. What I'm not sure I can give you." She looked down to her hands. "Only to realize that I couldn't." She whispered. A tear rolled down her face slowly. Tony was frozen. He didn't know how to deal with this. Ziva shook her head.

"This was a mistake." Ziva made to flee the room, but Tony quickly cleared the distance between them and took her hand. She tried to pull away but he took her other hand as well, holding them in both of his. He stepped closer and ran his thumbs along her wrist.

"Don't go. I'm not going to let you. Not again." Ziva tried to take a step back, trying to put some distance between them so he wouldn't see the tears streaming down her face.

"No." Tony put his hands on her waist to hold her where she was. "Hear me out." He caught her gaze, wanting her to understand how important this was to him. He had always been better communicating through his eyes. At least with Ziva.

"I don't want you to go. You're a part of my family. My best friend. My partner. I need you here, with me. In my life. I just…" He hesitated. "Don't hate me, it's just that you've been gone for some time, and I don't want to mess this up. So lets just take this one step at a time." He drifted of, unsure of how to continue, afraid he had said too much, or not enough. There was obvious relief in her eyes.

"Are you friend-zoning me?" She asked with a smile. He couldn't help laugh, relief flooding through him. Once he started laughing, he couldn't stop, and soon she joined in and for a minute or two they just stood there laughing.

"You been watching chick flicks trying to find yourself, or where'd you get that from?" Tony asked after they had calmed down a little.

"They work very well."

"Ah, our ninja has a girly side. That's just adorable."

She punched him in the shoulder softly. He stepped closer to her and pulled her into a hug. He just needed the physical affirmation it offered, and it felt like a promise. To what he didn't know. It just felt right.

She wrapped her arms around his shoulders. He ran his hands down her back, just enjoying being this close to her. No interruptions, just the two of them. She buried her face in his neck, and her hair brushed along his face. He loved her hair, especially when it was curly like this. He left his right hand on her lower back, slowly drawing circles along it while his left hand cupped the back of her head, his fingers running through her curls. They stayed like this for a while, Tony had no idea how long, but at some point his stomach made itself heard. He pulled back slightly, and used his thumb to brush away the remainder of the tears from earlier. She froze when his thumb brushed along her cheek, but he pretended he hadn't noticed.

"So what exactly did you have in mind when you said you wanted to cook? 'Cause I don't know about you, but I'm starving." His voice was low, but she was close enough to hear him anyway. She rubbed her eyes once more, then smiled at him and said: "Well I thought we might make some Spaghetti Bolognese." He smiled back at her, happy to move on and talk about something simple.

"Ah, the mince meat. I should have known."

They proceeded to making their dinner, and the atmosphere lightened again. They were back into their easy routine of bickering and laughing and not caring about invading their personal space. Sometimes it felt like she'd never left.

Dinner was all right, although the Bolognese was a bit burned because during a fight about who was going to stir it they somehow forgot the stirring. Also there was a bit too much salt in it because they had accidently both put salt in there.

After dinner they ended up on the couch, Ziva's head on his shoulder, watching Transformers. Tony loved it, and Ziva fell asleep ten minutes into the movie. So he spent the rest of the movie deviating between looking at her or playing with her hair and actually watching the movie. He couldn't help it, she looked more peaceful than he could ever remember seeing her. Whatever, he'd seen the movie before anyway. When the movie was over he wrapped a blanket around her and tucked her in, then went to bed. He slept through the night, no nightmares waking him. All was well. He had his partner back.


End file.
